How to Deal with Comparison and Jealousy

Jealousy is a norm.

Everyone experiences jealousy in one form or another. Because it’s part of our nature as humans. We  look around us to see where others are in their journey in life and we think: “that’s not fair”.

And with the addition of social media, now more than ever, people are comparing their lives to someone else’s picture, story, and videos. We see that beautiful fashion blogger and her wall to wall, floor to ceiling wardrobe. We reflect on our tiny studio wardrobe in jealousy.

We see the jet setting business person and we think about why we can’t have that same job. Why can’t we fly first class as well?

The truth is, jealousy will always turn it’s ugly head. It’s just part of our society.

But it doesn’t have to be a part of your life. I’ll be sharing with you below how I face jealousy and tackle it head on as not only an influencer, but everyday woman who wants to do better for herself.

How to Deal with Comparison and Jealousy - The Petite Bijou

 

My Own Experience With Jealousy

I don’t want to preach. I don’t want to tell you that you’re only jealous because you are insecure in your own life. None of that is the whole truth. Because no matter how “perfect” you may feel. No matter how “secure” you feel in your life, jealousy is present. What you can do is acknowledge and redirect.

As an influencer, jealousy is a constant struggle. Comparison sometimes stops me in my tracks. Because sometimes, I feel it’s unfair that can’t afford the same luxuries I see other influencers have. Sometimes I feel it’s unfair I get passed for editorial campaigns for others who fake their statistics. And most of the time. I get frustrated that I don’t have a team to help me lessen the load of my work.

“If only I was them” I say.

And that’s the gospel truth. I am no stranger to the ugly game of comparison. However, I have realized two things:

1) I am unique in my situation and that they are as well. My chapter 1 will never be their chapter 80.

2) They may seem like they have it all, but I only see 4% of the truth.

At the end of the day, keeping up with the jones, comparison, envy…whatever you want to cal it – it hinders you. Those seconds of jealousy pangs should last just that…seconds. We must acknowledge them and take care of our minds.

How To Divert Jealousy

Whenever you feel pangs of jealousy, I encourage you to acknowledge the fact you feel that way and then move on. To “move on”, you must take that negative energy and put it to good use. Energy cannot be destroyed, as my podcast guest Dr. Scott Symington said in this episode. You must take the energy and do something with it or it will consume you.

 

Use It As A Motivator

Instead of dwelling about how you don’t have what someone else has, allow it to motivate you togo after those same goals. If they can do it, so can you. Plan out an action plan of how you will get there. Use their own journey as a guide. Success can be copied – everyone does it in one form of another. And use that energy to get there too.

 

Unfollow and Edit

I always say “edit your life like a book”. You can choose not to have these influences in your life. I will be the first to admit I have unfollowed and muted or blocked people on social media who I feel like were more distracting than motivational.

Why follow the monkeys if you don’t like monkeys?” my mother often says.

Don’t get swept up in the tide. If you know that you get jealous in certain situations, avoid those situations.

 

Spend That Energy Outdoors

Put down the phone and head outdoors. We get so caught up in those little devices in our hands that they start to encourage negative behaviors. We have forgotten the healing properties of nature for our souls and minds.

If you can, spend time walking or gardening. Using our hands and focusing on taking care of something else will encourage positive thinking and the feeling of accomplishment. Take a camera with you (not the phone, an actual camera) and capture what you see. Or take a self help book and read it outside.

Over the summer, I felt slightly jealous of trips I saw people take and put that effort into helping my mother build a rooftop garden. We got to enjoy those efforts all summer long and grow our own fruits and vegetables. The rooftop became a hub for our family and the pleasure of peace it provided made me happy to have put that energy into something else.

 

Do Something For Others

Whether it’s volunteering or simply preforming a loving action, helping others can do a lot for our self awareness and self esteem. In my recent podcast episode with Dr. Scott Symington, he said that performing an “act of love” can do wonders for easing our own anxiety and depression – especially if it’s related to jealously. Listen to the episode here, as he gave an example of a nervous flyer who used a loving action of giving compliments as a way to ease her own insecurities.

Perhaps you can do something for others when you feel pangs of jealousy. Visit a friend or a loved one.  Go grocery shopping for them. Bake them a cake. Or simply give a complete stranger a compliment. By diverting the attention away from jealousy, you too can put energy into something positive.

 

The lessons learned here are not a cure…but a way to use what is given to us (energy) as a way to make strides in our lives instead of focusing on what others are doing. Stay in your own lane – look down at your own paper or life and focus on how you can take that jealousy and create something better.

To help you along, please take a listen to The Bijou Show podcast episode featuring Dr. Scott Symington. I promise you will learn a great deal about furthering your life in a positive manner.

Have you ever faced comparison and jealousy? What are some of the things you might struggle with when it comes to comparison? What have you done to focus on other things? And da you feel like social media is to blame for what we feel? Please leave a comment below with your response.

Behind The Blog

The Petite Bijou is an online destination featuring wholesome yet sophisticated living and styling tips for women. The site is run by survivor, lifestyle influencer, and writer Mariam, who also runs The Bijou Show, a self help podcast.

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